the true dream is being able to dream it all

whats up with all this?
this.. anger..
hate.
never have i felt this before.
i have always been so inoscent and kind
but now its like im a completely didfferent person..
but i havent really changed
i just stopped pretendeding
stopped pretending that everything is okay when its not.
stopped pretending that its okay to stay in bed all day and waste my precious life
stopped pretending that i can just trust whomever, when i cant even trust myself most of the time..
but i dont get why all of this is happening to me..
i have always been a dreamer,
still am..
but i feel like all my dreams are being crushed
slowly and painfully.
and my dreams are what i depend on the most..
i dont know what i am going to do when they just dissapear..
they have been my crutch for soo long
and im helpless with out them
but in a way everyone is.
right?
i mean,
who can live a dreamless life?
exactly..no one can
...................................
it just make me soo mad
 what used to be high A's are now low B's and C's
i just cant make myself care enough to deal with school
but i have to, because i will never live a succesful life if i can't even make it to college:/
and i feel like a failure as a friend
because if i could
i would this place in a heart beat
and go as far as i could go till i cant even remember what made me feel this way in the first place.
its just everything seems soo boring...
i never even pay attention when theyre haveing some conversation...
they always tell me that i just stare at nothingness...
ofcourse most of them arent my real friends
the only one that really counts is ***** and ****
****'s like a brother to me, ha an older brother
everyone thinks that were gonna go out next year when im in  HS..
maybe thats what i need..
to feel like i really am important to someone,
just knowing that i can trust them with anything,
 instead of trusting myself and no one else..
its gets hard, you know?
its like everything just keeps building up inside you and you feel like you might burst,
but i feel soooooo selfish
there is no absolute reason as to why i feel like this.
i live in a beautiful big house house,
i have a cute bedroom
nice clothes
pretty hair
im athletic
funny
artistic
musical..
i have good friends..
so why do i feel like this??
i just hate it sooo much,
i wish there was a way to just make whatever it is inside me to just leave
i know that God can fix it.
but how?
if i knew i would do whatever it is without a second thought..
but for now with my dreams fadeing away i can only count on those two friends,
and my sister ofcourse;)
 but whats the cure to depression?
as much as i dont want to admit it
i know that depression is what i got:(
but im going to fight with all that is within me
it will not consume me
and WHEN i defeat it,
i WILL go back to being the old me:)

hello:]
today was soo amazing:]
i feel just like a child:]
okay, todya i went down to pearsall, my home town, to go to my baby cousin's 3rd birthday
and guess what??
her party was at mcdonalds!!
it was soo much funn
we played in the play place, ofcourse!
which was kind of hard to do with my ankle:/
but i mannaged:]
ah, i love children soo much:]
one girl even "showed" me her imaginary friend
it was soo precious:]
we pretended to be super heros and super villans:]
 the heros won, duh:]
and just intime for icecream:]
now my cousins are going to spend the night
which means makeovers and barbie dolls,haah
well i gotta goo
im giving one of my cousins a makeover:)
byeeeeee

kassy<3
ps... this was supposed to be yesterdays post but i guess it didnt send.. so heres some pics of the make over!!

its like a before and after type of thing:]
haha do you like my makeup skills?

hey:D
i have a little story to tell you:]
okay so last thursday i had a basketball ball game
and alllllllll day i was talking about how i really didnt feel like playing..
i was even considering just not going,
but my mom made me:/
and guess what!
the first 2 minutes of the game i just HAD to sprain my stupid ankle>:[
so now im in crutches over christmas break:/
just my luck..
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i actually wouldnt mind that much if getting hurt didnt involve going to the doctor
but it does..
and i dislike doctors witha passion
i mean when you think about it
 they coud just stab you if they felt like it
 and..
BOOM!!!
you'd be dead!
see my point?
its not really a fear, but a.. well i dont know what to call it..
so i have another question for yall:
  what is there to do when your on crutches?

xoxo
      kassayy       

do you ever feel like your working really hard
 for something that your never going to get?
like no matter what happens, you cant have it,
but all that does is makes you fight for it just a tiny bit more?_______________________________________________________________________________________
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------    hey,
im pretty sure something is wrong with me..
i havent been my normal self lately..
i dont know what to doo..
i dont want to give in to depression again
i want to be happy 
i just cant make myself feel that way anymore
i feel like a part of me is missing..
like my better half has dissapeared into some un-known place..
have you ever felt that way before?
ive never felt hate before
but its making its way in
ive beeen trying to fight it off
but i dont know how much longer i cant last..
and the weirdest part is this
i have absolutely no reason to feel this way..
its not like the person im in-love with dumped me
because im not in-love with anyone
so im really confused right now..
i hate feeling like this
its like all i want to do is stay home and sleep
and so i'd just sleep this life away because my dreams are so sweet:]
and i dont wanna ever wakeup
but i have to because if i dont my dreams.. well thats all that they'll be..
dreams..
 so i have to wake up
i need to live my life
i CAN fight depression
as long as GOD is on my side

     so my question to you is:
    is it possible to be truely happy in a world of hate?

>kassy<